Forbidden Desires
by Kathi Skywalker
Summary: What if Padmé survived Episode III and the Dark Lord searched for his wife?
1. Default Chapter

Forbidden Desires

By: Kathi Skywalker

(Created in an art lesson 2002-04-15)

Disclaimers_: The characters, settings belong to George Lucas._

**Prolog**

Lord Darth Vader starred out into space. The Empire ruled over millions of planets. And soon he would rule over this planets and their natives, but still his heard longed for something more than power and then he felt his pain again. This old pain, which cut through his heard like a knife and his mind came back to her: his Padmé. 

_Where are you, my angel?_ His mind screamed and his thoughts reached out, starting to search for her present through the force. But there was only silence over their once shared bond. 

Was she dead?

He never really stopped loving her, but on the other hand he'd never searched for her within all those only years, after she left him.

No! He was a dark Lord of Sith! He was the master of pain, not one of the foolish, who broke under it's burden. But still sometimes it hits him with a still inhuman force. Sometime, like this time…

****

"Anakin!" Padmé screamed and woke up next to her husband. Bail reached over to her and griped her shaking hand.

"It's over. You're safe, Padmé. It was only a bad dream." 

Padmé felt her heard slow down again. _Only a dream. A dream… so real_. "He's searching for me."

Bail shook his head. "No darling, it was only a dream. No one is searching for you." Padmé sat up and slung her arms tightly around her knees. 

"Oh Bail, you will never forgive me."

"I would always forgive you, my love. Nothing is stronger than the love I feel for you. And nothing ever will." Padmé Amidala Organa, former Queen and Senator of Naboo, looked into his dark eyes and knew that he meant it, which made the whole case not easier but more painful. Who could she possible tell him?  

A/N: Ok, ok it's short. Sorry, but I'm not sure whether continue this or not, still I hope your liked it ;-)


	2. The truth

A/N_: Sorry this update took me so long. Mostly because I really don't know how to go on with the plot. Thank you for all the encouraging reviews. Without them there wouldn't be a second chapter at all. _

Forbidden Desires Chapter 2

"I can feel him…inside my head. Amidala pressed both of her hands fearfully against her temples. 

"No. Don't do this to me…No!" Padmé's face paled. 

"He has found me." Just a simple statement, but her brown eyes were a mirror of her inner trouble. She had always wanted to tell him the truth sooner or later, but later had always seemed to be the better option. Maybe Obi-Wan had been correct right from the beginning: The whole marriage was a grave mistake. And now she had to pay the bill.

"Bail I must leave you."

"What? Why?" Bail Organa seemed to loose himself into total confusion. 

"Leave me?…But Padmé, darling, I…I"

Padmé jumped out of their bed and started changing in a hurry. Bail, still looking like a hurt animal, watched her packing some suitcases.

Suddenly she called for Dormé, her trusted handmaiden.

"Mylady." She asked formally, while trying to make sense of the unusual picture before her.

"Please Dormé make sure that Leia's suitcases are packet immediately and tell Captain Pakana that I'll need him on board of the _Queen of Naboo within the next 20 Minutes."_

Dormé looked at her Queen unbelievingly. "You are leaving Alderaan, Mylady?"

"Yes, Dormé, but nobody must know about it."

"I understand. May I wake the princess?" 

Padmé shock her head. "No thank you Dormé. I'll do this better by myself."

"Goodbye my queen." Padmé smiled at the handmaiden and pulled her into a huge. "Take care of you."

As soon as Dormé left their bedroom Bail jumped up.

"Padmé, I love you far too much to force you to stay, but you won't take our daughter with you!"

"You don't understand. I'm going because of Leia." She told him in a voice, which wouldn't tolerate any further discussions, but Bail made his way between Padmé and the door.

"You're right I don't understand! And because of this I will not watch the two of you leaving just like that! Amidala! This is crazy…it was a nightmare and noting more."

Padmé Amidala started crying again. "Oh Bail, please let us go. The truth would only cause you pain and suffer."

"I don't care about my feelings anymore Amidala, because if I let you go on hiding things from me, like you've obivously done before, there won't be any feelings left you could hurt."

Padmé sat down on her suitcase still soaping.

"You aren't Leia's father…I'm sorry…I" Now the spell was broken and there was no holding back for the tears rolling down her checks like a waterfall.

Bail's little world broke into peaces. He had always known that he loved her more, but as long as there was Leia, _their daughter, there had been a chance that one day she would realize just how much she meant to him and maybe, one time, she would have loved him back, but now all his hopes and dreams had disappear with a single strike._

"Who?" He asked still shocked, but also angry and hurt at the same time.

"Is it him you're running from? As you agreed to marry me? And is it him you're running from now?"

Padmé nodded.

"Well, darling, _now you will not run. Because __now you are my wife…Damnit!…At leased it's not your holy Anakin, because he is dead and buried … and after all you told me about your Jedi you wouldn't run from him at all, would you?"_

Padmé smiled bitterly. Life could be so cruel. But Bail was right. Anakin died a long time ago, only she wasn't able to admit that to herself for a far too long time.

"Well you're right, Bail. Leia's father is quite powerful and I'm afraid he wouldn't be very happy if he finds out that I had his child and married you. So it's also in your interest that he'll never find out about this."

"He was no clue about her?" Bail asked scared.

"No, I'm sure about that. But he will as soon as he sees her. That's why I must leave. You may not understand this now, but one day Leia could be the last hope for this galaxy. One day she will have the strange to change things. I can feel it with every feber of my being. Can't you?" 

Bail looked doubtful at his wife. "Padmé, she's just a child. I honestly think you overrate this situation. Leia is _my daughter. The princess of Alderaan. Only the two of us know about her true parentage and as long as none else is aware of this fact, even her own father can't recognize her! The whole thought is ridicules!"_

"He can feel it, Bail! Just like I can feel that he's searching for me! It's the only way!"

"Who is he? Some kind of Jedi like your first husband?"

Padmé's face was filled with agony. "Sort of." 

"Padmé you don't have to go. I love you. I raised Leia and to me she will always be my little angel. If you feared my reaction, then you should know it by now. I love you. I always will. I will protect you. Both of you."

Padmé stood up again, more frustrated than she'd ever been in her life . "You can't protect us! None can! He will  take her just like this! " She snipped with her fingers. 

"None would dare touching a princess of the house of Alderaan." Padmé laughed unimpressed. 

"You are a bit too sure about this Bail, don't you think? You don't know what you get yourself involved with. He always gets what he wants. You just don't have the power to protect us Bail!"

Bail made a step back. 

"Who is this man I obviosly can't be compared with? Please Padmé…I have a right to know."

Padmé Amidala closed her eyes. Yes he had a right to know, even if it meant to put him into grave danger.

"Leia's father… is Lord Darth Vader."

To be continued!

_A/N: Nice Cliff-hanger, don't you think ;o) Hope next time I won't take THAT long before I'll update the next chapter. Just review. I WANT reviews. *youdontknowthepowerofthedarkside-okjustjoking*___


	3. The cause of pain and suffering

_A/N:__ Hi and here we go again. First of all I want to thank you all for the positive reviews. I would like to write stories like this the whole day, but I just don't have the time to - school and things like this. Hope you'll understand. And now: Have fun!_

**Chapter 3**

Lord Vader stood on board of the Executor watching the blue air around the emperor shimmering for a brief moment before the holoprojection finally disappeared. It had been quite difficult to give some rational reasons for his request to the emperor. He was a Dark Lord of the Sith – he shouldn't care anymore about "her"…and he also was the commander of the imperial navy. It was kind of extraordinary that he required something as trial as vacations from the galactic emperor. The Dark Lord still was not quite sure what had driven him to this unusually behaviour. But it was like the force wanted to tell him something for years. Something about "her". At first he tried shout these voices out, tried to ignore them as some kind of feedback of his former life. But these peculiar voices didn't fade out like he had hope they would, they became louder and louder every year. He just couldn't ignore them to any further extent any longer. Now he would finally follow them, certain that he was being led to something very important.

_Padmé…_As a Dark Lord he didn't know any feelings besides anger and hate, and yet the simple sound of her name made him feel uneasy. His blue eyes were focused and hardened,as_ he felt something he hadn't felt in a long time. Regret.Padmé Amidala had always been the one perfect being in this galaxy to him. The only thing which he'd had to lack even with all the power the dark side had offered him…until now. _

Slowly he pushed a botton aside of the termial. "Captain Piett, take cours of Alderaan."

****

Things were different now. Even after he'd prevented to lose Padmé two days earlier Bail Organa could already feel the change of his life like a cut through his heart. He still didn't know why she changed her mind after their conversation that night. But she did. 

Now he could see her point. Her fears were real and he couldn't make them stop. Maybe it had been pity or some kind of locality for her husband… He didn't know.

Bail stood up and walked upstairs to Leia's room. It looked like a battlefield - as usual.

Leia and Winter, a little girl of her age, sat on the ground, plying some holo-racing-games.

"Yippie!" Leia screamed. "I'm on top of the high score list." She threw her little arms into the air and jumped around. 

"Daddy! Look! Look! I'm on top of the high score list!" She smiled brightly. 

"Wonderful angel. It seems like you're quite gifted." Leia sat down again and Bail could feel his pride vanishing.  

"Come on Winter. It isn't that difficult. I'll show you." 

_Quite gifted…_he repeated in his mind. Vader was undoubtly the greatest battle pilot within the imperial navy. Did Leia achieve this ability from him? 

And there it was…he started comparing his beloved daughter with single most feared man of the galaxy. 

The thought was absurd. Like the idea that Padmé, a woman who could only be described as an true angel, had the child of a Sith Lord. Bail couldn't suppress a humourless laughter. The whole situation couldn't lack the irony within. Not for the first time Bail was haunted by the question why she'd married him in first place. Probably because of her pregnancy. 

Bail had always love Amidala, long before there had been an Anakin in her life. But at that time she had been too young to love. She lived only for her profession. The help and support she gave to planet and her people hat been her life and the few times he tried to get near to her she had refused his kindness, so he had decided to wait. 

He was helpless as he saw Anakin and Padmé for the first time. This young Jedi must have used some kind of Jedi mind-trick upon her. She giggled like a teenager and didn't behave like the queen or the senator he learnt to know so well. Later on he realized that she'd just fell in love with the boy and that the regless laughing Padmé, was the Padmé of her true self, while he only loved the queen, which would be the perfect match for a king, and not the girl. Still his crush on Amidala never really vanished… every time he saw her, his heart seems to jump and his head became jaded.  

After Anakin's death he had seen his opportunity to make things right again. 

He didn't really remember how he could have managed to bring up the courage to ask her. But she had said "yes" to his propose, so many years ago. That had been the most wonderful day in his life. 

Amidala was the light of his life, since that day. 

He didn't know how exactly "their" relation had been. And he wouldn't ask her either.

She was here…here with him. And this was all that matters to him. 

****

A DAY LATER 

ALDERAAN (MORNING)

Lord Vader moved across the everlasting gardenparks like a vicious animal desperately searching for something to fulfil his needs. The three moons slowly disappeared, giving in to the dominance of the sun, while his grotesque shadow moved towards the castle with long, powerful strikes.

He looked back to the metallic shuttle, still feeling haunted by doubts. He hadn't inform the Bail Organa about his visit yet, for several reason. But mostly because of his none existing determination. No there was no turning back this time. He had to face his destiny. It was meant to be his last adversity towards the dark side. To long he had fooled himself with negligence. He had to get rid of this weak spot within him, torturing his very soul. He finally had to destroy Anakin Skywalker. 

****

Leia took the hydro spanner into her tiny hand. She desperately tried to modify the little cleaning droid, which was responsible for the chaos into her room. Her father wouldn't be very happy if he would find out about this. This droid wasn't her first try anyway. There had been several droid in the last few months, in some cases they worked better than before afterwards, in others it had simply be impossible to fix them again. But there had always been a punishment: _A _p_rincess doesn't act like a mechanic! Just look at you!_

Afterwards she always promised to behave properly. With didn't meant she actually did as she had promised she would…

Leia just changed the working times. She worked all night long, so that no one would notice the next morning. She just took the motivator, as Dormé knocked at her door and remind her of the breakfast. 

_Boodow__! How in seven sith hells she could possibly clean her hands this fast? They were full of oil and grease, which didn't look like they'd like to disappear with simple water.  _

Leia rushed to the sop, which looked inviting, but never the less the dirt finally won the battle. 

Reluctantly Leia went downstairs into the kitchen and sat down, her hands carefully hide behind her back, so neither her mother nor father could see the mess. Leia just starred at the meal in front of her, trying not to meet their parents gaze. 

"Aren't you hungry, darling? " Padmé asked worriedly. 

„I'm not hungry." Leia repeated simply, but her traitorous stomach growled loudly. 

Winter, Leia's best friend, smiled brightly from the other side of the big desk. She already had a clue of why Leia refused to eat. 

„What is it Leia?" Bail ordered and Queen Amidala looked a bit angry at her daughter. 

"Show me your hands!" Leia looked from Bail to Padmé, searching for some kind of support, of one of her parents. Then Leia hesitated for full two minutes and stretched out her hands unwillingly. 

Padmé sighed and Bail became boiled with anger. „Go into your room and stay there for as long as you don't want to change your manners, young lady! " 

Leia felt tears in her eyes, no she wouldn't cry in front of her parents or her friend. She wasn't a child anymore. „That's not fair! I don't want to behave like this! "she screamed. 

"You are a princess. Learn to behave like one!" Bail Organa lost his temper.

Leia could stand this any longer. "I hate you! Both of you!" she screamed, turned around and ran away. 

****

Leia hurried as fast as she could over to the grand entrance of the palace and outside to the gardens. It didn't really matter to her where exactly she was running to, as long as it was far away from her parents. 

She didn't stop running until she finally reached the round fountain inside of one of the smaller, unspectacular and more personal corners of the gardenparks. Most of the people only were interested in the big, imposing main gardens, but Leia always liked her privacy within these little four green walls. First and foremost while she was crying. Now that she could be sure that no one would see her, she finally gave in into her tears. 

Lord Vader unexpectedly stopped as he hared the sobbing of someone nearby. How could he possibly have been distracted like this that he acually "heared" something before he "feet" it. He slowly reached out with the force. It was a female presence. Right behind the green wall next to him. 

Vader froze in shock and had to fight to breathe for a second as a walk around she corner and looked at the child before him. _Padmé…_

The girl was the perfect mirror of his former wife:, Long brown cuerly hair, rosy cheeks and a kind of inosense burned inside her large brown eyes, he already forgot about. 

"Who are you?" she little gril asked trying to hide her tears, as if they would be the only thing to worry about. The question knocked Vader off guard. Normally children feared him. Hiding behind their partens legs and this little gril started inergorating him!

"…And how did you find me?" she started again, a irritated that her hiding place had been discovered so easyly. And there she stood: calmly, chin up, defiant, her face calm, waiting for an answer.

"You found me." The dark lord heard himself answer, as if he were in a dream. "It was your calling." Now he finally he meet the cause of all his fears and suffering. His daugther… 

To be continuted.

_AN:__ Any comments? Like it? Hate it? Please let me know and review. _

_I'm really not sure how to continue: Vader taking his daughter and leaving Alderaan? _

_Or: Vader's turning because of his daughter? What about Bail and Padmé? (I wrote me into a really complicated story …)_

_ What would you like to read? I'm writing to entertain ;o)  _


	4. Beloved Monster

**_When the lights go down _**

**_and there's nothing left to be_**

**_When the lights go down _**

**_the truth is all you see_**

**_(Faith Hill)_**

Vader still watched the child in front of him. His child. This was so much more he'd ever expected or hoped. This child that looked so much like his love. This child with her undoable intelligent and bravery of her mother and his potential in the force could be the one thing he needed to end Palpatine tyranny at some day. Maybe she was the one who would bring balance to the force and order to the galaxy…at his side. He didn't really question Palpatine's methods but didn't support them either.  

"I didn't call you." Leia said sheeply. The dark Lord took place beside her. 

"No you didn't - at least not literally." 

"I…I don't understand." The little girl started but was calmed by her visitor.

"That's nothing to be ashamed of, little one. The thing with which you called me is named the force. There are countless adults who have also never heard about it." Leia nodded bravely but it was clear that she still didn't understand. 

"I'm willing to explain it to you later if you want to." Leia nodded eagerly. "Yeah sure. I would love to know how I've done that. How knows who else I might have called already?" The dark Lord smiled under his mask.

"None girl, I assure you. There aren't many people who can hear you like I do. What is your name?"

"Well… I'm not allowed to speak with strangers and I don't know mommy would approve telling you anything."  

"Oh your mother is right about this and you should better obey her command. I know that because I know your mother. Her name is Padmé Amidala Naberrie Skywalker, am I right?"

Leia smile bridly like the other had just made some kind of wizard trick. "Yes! Well no, not really – but you mean the right person! How did you know?!" 

"As I said, I know your mother. But I haven't seen her in a very long time. The last time I saw her you weren't even born. You could say we were good friends."

"Ok then…My name is Leia. Leia Organa. Mommy will be very happy to see you again!"

Metal, everything felt like metal. Amidala Organa was Padmé Skywalker? Fool! Bail had always adored her, but now it finally made scene that Miss Organa's public appearances were `rare` or almost none existence. Still he was a fool. 

"Well Leia don't be so sure about that. My name is Lord Vader. I'm working for the emperor or the government if you know what I mean…Your mommy and I had some kind of disagreement and I left her in a way which wasn't very nice."

Leia's cheeks blushed. "I know mommy can be mean sometimes. I myself just ran away. But she won't be angry. I know." Leia smiled and stretched out a hand at the dark Lord. "Come on. She won't. I promise! And as long as there is someone else she won't try to make me a bad conscience." The dark Lord almost laughed about the little girl who tried to encourage him. She filled some place in his black heard which he didn't knew it exist. But one thing was for sure: He wouldn't leave without her. 

"Very well, let's visit your mother."  

****

**_"Love is the ideal thing,_**

**_marriage a real thing;_**

**_a confusion of the real_**

**_with the ideal never _**

**_goes unpunished."_**

**_ (Johann Wolfgang von Goethe)_**

****

„No don't." Padmé said and helped one of the servants cleaning the dished. 

"But My Lady you shouldn't do that. This is no work for a queen." But Padmé took the plates never the less. 

"Mabye, but it helps me to get my head clear from all the politics and we shouldn't forget where we're coming from, should we?" 

"Indeed." 

Padmé almost let the plates dropping to the ground as she heard the dark voice from behind. She whirred around and looked clumsily back and forth between the dark Lord and her little daughter, standing next to the black gigant. 

"Leia! Come here!" she ordered furious. "Now!"

The little girl did as she was told, but her dismayed expression revealed that she wasn't used to her mother's tone. Padmé gave her the last three plates and forced on a smile. "Please Leia bring these to Armeé. And go playing into your rooms. Do you?" Leia nodded. 

"Yes mommy." She took a look backwards and tried to wave as far as it was possible with the new burden. "Bye bye - But you'll explain to me later?"

"I told you I would Leia. Now do as your mother wishes." Leia looked a bit disappointed but left the room never the less.

Padmé felt everything and nothing. Pressing her hand to her breast, to calm her beating heart, she finally found the strange to face him. 

"Hello Padmé."

"What do you want from me VADER." Almost hatefully she split out the word. 

"Isn't that obvious MISSES ORGANA." A feeling of shame and betrayal washed over the young queen. She behaved like a small child. 

"Let us end this foolish game Padmé. I'm not in a mood for such trivials. I am here because of my daughter. I heared her calling though the force. And don't dare denying it Padmé. I wouldn't miss my own blood."

It was as if some spell had been broken. "Your blood! Never dare speaking of her like she's your daughter again! Leia is Anakin's and my daughter and none else's."

"Stop it your highness. This argumentation is under your dignity and you know it. I know that denial is a powerful crutch. But never the less Anakin Skywalker and Darth Vader are one and the same person. And nobody should know that better than you, my precious wife. And your denial will stop here and now. Leia is my daughter and the fact you hide her from me is unforgiveable!" 

Padmé stormed forward like only a mother is capable of while trying to protected her child. "No, you bastard! You will not lay your hands on my baby!"  

"Padmé, she's my child as well. And I only wish for her to take her rightful place in the galaxy. Our daughter will become very powerful in the future."

"Like you?" Padmé felt tears in her eyes. "I don't want my daughter to become powerfull. Everything I ever wanted was love. Is that too much to ask for? You've hurt me once, don't do it again. I beg you. Don't take her away from me. I'm not sure if I could bare loosing my child." 

"You wouldn't _loose your child, your highness. You just have to confess to the galaxy that Leia is my child. And that she has a right of the empiral throne." _

So this is all this about, Padmé thought. The empiral throne. Palpatine didn't have children of his own and with a heir of his own combinated with Leia's force powers Vader would try to overthrow Palpatine. This was pure Sith thinking.

"You're so countable Vader, everything is about power. This is why I never told you about her. I know she would only be a part in one of your sick games. And what if Leia were just a child? With none of your powers? Would you leave her behind just like you left me?" He reached up his hand to trace the corner of her mouth. She flinched as he touched her tender lips. _Pain. Death. Torment. Salvation. Love._

 Vader shook his head. 

"Relationships served only the weaks and vulnerables." He said and did somethink total unecpacted. He left.    

**TBC**

A/N: _I know it's short. But I promise there will be more sooner or later ;o) But please let me know what you think about it and write reviews!_


End file.
